Classic.

So let me tell you about my day. Why doesn't a camera crew follow me around?

I woke up this morning @ 6am and vommed all over the bathroom. After cleaning I slept for an hour and puked again. Then again. Then again. Then again. 12 times in 7 hours. Pretty gnarly. Anyway, I call the doctor and homegirl says I need to go to the hospital. I decide, hey, why not take an ambulance?

So... the ambulance gets here and three paramedics come out and carry my dehydrated body to the freakiest thing I have ever been in in my life. It was a reserve ambulance used to pick up dead people. It was the only one left. Apparently a busy day. So I'm in the pre-hearse, and I pass out. The EMT thinks this is so funny and I'm still not really sure why.

THEN I get into the ER and I'm put in a bed in the middle of a hallway. Then this man in a bright yellow shirt takes my vitals. I'm so dehydrated that I'm so mean to him and he gets so mad. The best part is next... He made me stand up to take my vitals. I was like, brother friend I cannot stand up. I am so mad. He does not pick up on it. So I stand up and I start to fall over. He grabbed me and I was like, I'm gonna vom bro. He didn't believe me. He got puked on. That's what happens.

Then the people around me were like so sick and I was just moaning because I was thirsty and no one would give me a drank. A lady had amnesia and didn't believe the doctor when he said we had an African American president. She eventually remembered her name. This other guy had a heart attack and was like miraculously okay. Then this other guy had a brain tumor but didn't want to be helped. Like, why are you here?

So eventually they pumped 1.3 liters of fluid into my blood stream and sent me on my way. I'm now here, on bed rest for a few days. R.I.P. social life.